I woke up this morning, checked facebook, and the first thing I saw was my dad’s face. Naturally, I was pretty upset. Later on, after PT and my shower, I found more pictures of him. I always get annoyed with my sisters around this time, because they do that. They have every right to, and I don’t say anything, but it shakes me, I guess.
Lately, my body’s been pretty much shitting on me. I’ve lost about 8 pounds in the past month- I think about 5 in the past week. I haven’t done PT for about 3 weeks, because my hip was acting up and I got sick last week. I’ve been living off of kiosk food- known post-wide for it’s greasy, calorie-packed meals. I’ve also been on a soft diet for the past week, due to my sinus infection and the fact that my jaw won’t open fully. The dentist thinks I’m grinding my teeth in my sleep, due to stress. And for the life of me, I couldn’t think about anything I was stressed about.
But then this week made me realize- shit. I’m still stressed out. I’m always stressed out. I always find something. I’ve forgotten how to relax. How to let myself just be. While my anxiety has gone down a lot in recent months, it’s still there, and I’m not doing anything about it. I always mean to, but it gets pushed to the back of my mind, placed on the bottom of the list of shit I really need to do but forgot about or didn’t really want to do anyway.
I don’t have time to be retrospective. I should be studying. I guess I’ll go wander off into the void that is my room, having wet dreams about pizza and having a spare minute to myself.